SO NOW WHAT? Part 1

Many of you know that Neil and I have felt called to adopt.  Many of you have asked me, “So, what’s going on with the adoption? Any placements to come soon?”  I usually sheepishly reply with, “Waiting on getting our recommendation letters and still have a little paperwork to fill out.” Which is true but my goodness, some of you must be thinking, HOW MUCH PAPERWORK, seriously it’s been forever.  Trust me, I feel that way too.  But if I am honest our story is more complicated than just finding time to fill out paperwork.

Neil and I are finding our story, the story God is writing for us, isn’t as simple as get married, have kids, adopt one and live happily ever after.  Not saying that a story like that is simple either but I thought that level of complicated would be it, I was wrong.  I do, we do, think that it started with our hearing God on the adoption and following through with obedience, at least with the first steps.  The timeline is something like this:

Fall 2011 Neil and I have the discussion, we need to adopt.  We agree we need to pray through it and follow through with classes as soon as possible, I at least felt an urgency to begin right away.

May-July 2012 we took the PRIDE classes for certification to be eligible to adopt. However, that summer we also got terribly sick and ended up missing some of the classes. That meant we had to wait until the next round of PRIDE classes to do our make-up.

Oct 2012 we did our make-up classes.  I felt good, like we were proceeding.  We hadn’t decided if we were going to get our home study through the Children’s Home or the state and we had to make a very important decision, who would be named guardian of our children if something were to happen to us.  This we struggled with for quite some time and began praying for clarity.

Nov 2012 I felt God saying wait, the adoption needs to wait, slow down.  I heard wait, the holidays are crazy busy pick it up after the New Year.  But God was faithful to answer our prayer about guardianship and during Christmas holidays we were able to agree on, have peace about the who and manage to talk face to face with the family who were so sweet and generous to agree to take on our children (no matter the number or DNA) if something were to happen to us. 

Spring of 2013 came, we decided to use the state to do our home study.  With that came a new packet of paperwork to complete. I was crushed with that daunting task for some reason.  The references had to be handed out and again I felt God saying wait.  I said, “No I felt such urgency to move forward at the beginning of this process.  People know we are working on adopting, what will they think of us?”  I doubted that I was hearing God clearly.  I said to myself, “Self, you are being selfish and lazy – move forward!” (Honestly, it was probably more of my pride that was the issue, but that is a story for another time.) I was struck with frustration, peace had left me, I was stressed and then that email came from the caseworker. 

“We like to have everything done in 3 months, paperwork, home study, and a placement.  If you can’t handle this time line perhaps you need to close your file until you can.” 

3 months, 3 months, 3 months…. I nearly hyperventilated.  I had too much going on, I couldn’t get paperwork and references and the house ready in 3 months.  And the kicker too, “More than likely the youngest you will be placed with is 8 years old.”  Which is not bad considering Neil and I had said we didn’t want an infant necessarily but it was clear, we both knew God has told us, at least right now, not older than Eli.  Eli is to be the oldest.  Now I knew if I proceeded I would be in direct disobedience.  I wrote the email back explaining this is a bad time, there is no way we could complete in 3 months please close our file for now.  It was an extremely hard letter to write and even harder to press send but let me tell you, that peace that I hadn’t had in months flowed over me. For the first time in months I had listened and obeyed completely. 

Fall 2013 came quickly and I thought about trying to pick up the paperwork but didn’t feel like God was giving me the go, so I waited…. we are waiting.